Toes, Titties & Tater Tot Tuesday

Big changes are coming to The Minutiae King! Every Tuesday we will be publishing photos of Toes, Titties and Tater Tots. I know Goetta Girl is fascinated by pix of nasty walking nobs, so from this day on, I dedicate every Tuesday to GG. So without further ado...

Introspection...Words are heavy like rocks...they weigh you down. If birds could talk, they wouldn't be able to fly. Marilyn Whirlwind

ADDboy unmedicated...

Words.

I digress. I ramble. Today, I feel heavy. Like a random, anonymous rock, tossed into a pond to eventually settle forever amongst other anonymous rocks, weighted down by my mere existance.

I love to laugh at myself...To have the ability to make others laugh with me--or at me. In my own mind, I'm a comedic genius. Yes. Most days I crack myself up. Somedays, I also have the ability to make myself cry...And to make others around me cry. Maybe later today or tonight, I will laugh. But, right now I cry. And I'm pissed. I'm pissed at words. Fucking words. Hurtful words. Painful words.

Nancy McMichael. Most of you will never know her. When The Minutiae King decided to give higher education a second try, Nancy M. was my English 103 professor. May 2000. She was a pain in my ass. She read my initial essays out loud. To the rest of the class. As an example really bad writing. She embarrased me. And I thank her for that. She gave me a B on my final paper. While my grammar and writing abilities haven't improved much since then, Nancy M. did teach me one valuable lesson: write about a topic that you're familiar with and passionate about, strive to make people feel what you are feeling, write with meaning, and when you struggle for words, just keep writing...free writing.

And so I do.

It's funny how a few simple words can change your day. Last night I went to bed feeling like I was coming down with the flu or some other unknown illness. This morning, I received an IM from Cookie G. which read, "how do you feel today?" Which, of course, made me follow Alice down the rabbit-hole that is today's blog.

Those that know the true identity of TMK, are aware that I spent 1998-2004 as the full-time caregiver/legal guardian of a step-grandmother who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, a grandfather in chronic congestive heart failure, and a disabled aunt, all living under the same roof. My step-grandmother--I called her Miss B--was famous for her quick and witty replies, even up to the very last week of her life. As Miss B lay dying in hospice, I would often brush her hair which seemed to have a calming effect upon her. My last verbal communication with Miss B is as follows:

TMK: Good morning Miss B. How do you feel today?
Miss B: How do you think I feel? With my hands.

While Miss B had existed in an almost constant coma-like state for 2 weeks prior to her passing, I had continued to talk to her as if she could still hear me. I hoped she could. I wished she could. From the moment Miss B was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in August 1998, I felt like I was Mr. Answer.com, answering repetitive questions such as "What day is it?" to "Is there something wrong with me?" Hundreds--no, thousands--of time each day. Every minute. Every hour. Every day. Every week. Year after year. Remember the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? Miss B never stopped asking questions. Never. I can't tell you how many times I would selfishly hope for just 5 minutes of quiet. Miss B existed on her daily single sip of Ensure and a bite of toast for more than a year. I have no idea how she lived as long as she did, losing almost half her body weight in her last 12 months of life. Alzheimer's disease had reduced Miss B to a hollow shell of who she once was. But even through that last year of her life, Miss B would have very brief moments of amazing lucidity--moments that to me, felt like I was finding and opening a forgotten Christmas present--in April. Yes. It was THAT special! Words. We would hold conversations that lasted for but a few moments, but those conversations reminded me of those "talks" Miss B and I had 20 years prior, when she could tell me exactly which page of Grey's Anatomy book discussed appendicitis or how she cut the tie off of a Doctor she was assisting in Trenton Hospital operating room. And I will forever cherish those all-too-fleeting moments Miss B shared with me.

So it was to my shock and amazement when Miss B opened her eyes one last time and spoke those words to me. "How do you think I feel? With my hands." Miss B died 12 hours later, just before midnight on May 31, 2003. I was holding her left hand.

So as I was reading that IM from Cookie G. earlier today, I was thinking of Miss B. And then I thought of those earlier words from the man that wants to become President of the United States, John McCain:

"It's not social issues I care about."

"I said, 'The nice thing about Alzheimer's is you get to hide your own Easter eggs.'"

The current state of political affairs has left many with a feeling of apathy. I simply ask that you not allow yourself to be like that random, anonymous rock settled on the bottom of a pond that I was when I began writing today's blog. So on November 4, 2008 when you walk into your local polling place--and I sincerely hope you do--please remember Miss B and ask yourself if John McCain has the character to run this great country of ours.

So thanks to Cookie G. for the IM. And to Nancy McMichael. And Marilyn Whirlwind.

Words.



P.S. Thank you Miss B. It's April. I just found the present you left for me.

McCain Quote Of The Day

"It's not social issues I care about." February 2008

"I said, "The nice thing about Alzheimers is that you get to hide your own Easter eggs.'" ---John McCain citing the sort of "insensitive and stupid and cruel" remarks that get him into trouble even though, he maintains, "You've got to have humor in a campaign."

Intellectually Challenged

Dick Cheney was in Iraq again recently, telling the press corps that followed him there that the US had to invade Iraq to fight the Al Qaeda terrorists who were responsible for 9/11.

Just weeks before he stood in front of the troops and media there, he had received the exhaustive Pentagon sponsored review of about 600,000 documents that found absolutely no correlation between Iraq and anything having to do with 9/11. The story here though is not that Dick Cheney is a sociopathic liar – That’s an old story, no new surprises there.

To me the story is that this decrepit, creepy old man understands something very special about the new American culture.

Susan Jacoby wrote a book titled The Age of American Unreason. In that book, she analyzes why Americans will endlessly be victims to creepy little manipulators like Cheney or Karl Rove.

Jacoby says Americans are in very serious intellectual trouble – we are living in an era of anti-intellectualism, anti-rationalism, and generally a period of low expectations. That is why we elect a lightweight like George Bush twice and believe in him as a leader.
Jacoby points out that in 1982, 82% of college graduates actually read novels just for the fun of it. Today that number is somewhere around 60%. In fact, more than 40% of Americans under the age of 44 never read a single book in the course of an entire year. So needless to say, shaping public opinions becomes overwhelmingly easy for Cheney’s and Bush’s and Karl Rove’s and Rupert Murdoch.

Its almost like they are handling a silly putty right out of the package.

What? No American Flag Pin?

After lambasting Barack Obama for his "refusal" to wear an American flag pin on his lapel, John McCain appeared with Georgee Stephanopoulos on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos" at the Newseum in Washington April 20, 2008 sans an American flag pin on HIS lapel? Does this mean that Sean Hannity can no longer call McCain a "Great American?"

John McCain On Iraq

Senator "100 years in Iraq" has given a VERY clear picture of what counts as success in Iraq and when he would allow American troops can leave Iraq:

"Success in Iraq is the establishment of a generally peaceful, stable, prosperous Democratic state, that poses no threat to its neighbors, and contributes to the defeat of terrorists. It's the advance of religious tolerance over violent radicalism. It is a level of security that allows the Iraqi authorities to govern, the average person to live a normal life, and international entities to operate."


International entities? Like Exxon-Mobil, Halliburton, KBR, and Blackwater?

Support Your Local Taco Wagon!!!

A recent Los Angeles Times piece reports on a disturbing Los Angeles precedent--that of fining the local taco wagons because they are viewed as a threat to the typical "brick and mortar" taco restaurant.

I hope that this type of legislation does not spread to the Lansing area. My favorite Mexican food stop are the El Oasis Antojitos Mexicanos taco wagons. One is located on the corner of Michigan Avenue & N. Francis Street and the other on the corner of Miller Avenue & S. Cedar Street. I am particularly fond of their Chicken Burritos, but everything I have ever ordered from El Oasis has been excellent!

Vasectomy? No, Superglue!

Sounds like a great idea, right? Finished popping out rugrats? Why go through the pain and expense of getting snipped when you can use Superglue! Unfortunately this couple didn't consider the consequenses. Ouch!!!

John McCain Quote Of The Day

"I hate the gooks,I will hate them as long as I live."

Cheney, Pope, Refuse To Wear American Flag Pin On Lapel: Both Hate USA

Quid Pro Quo...

The NEW Military

Lance Corporal Nicola Humphreys, 24, has been charged with “disgraceful conduct of an indecent kind”.

Also charged is Sergeant Major Alan Robinson, 35 – who is now her husband.

It is not the first time she has been in hot water for saucy antics. The Sun revealed last year how “Red Baps” girl Nicola had been snapped cavorting naked – except for her peaked cap and red stilettos – with comrades during a drunken mess night at the base in Sennelager, Germany.

An Army source said: “The charges are very bad news to Nikki and Alan, as they are both very ambitious.

Cindy & John McCain/Food Network Scandal

News is breaking that John and Cindy McCain are blaming an intern for lifting recipes from the Food Network website, crediting Cindy McCain for the recipe, and then posting them on McCain's webpage.

So if this report is true, anyone care to guess what Cindy McBudweiser's favorite recipe is?

U.S. Government Supports And Funds Polygamy

Does this surprise anyone? The polygamist sect on which the feds have exerted much physical and verbal effort lately has been the recipient of "a nearly $1 million loan from the federal government and $1.2 million in military contracts" via an associated business, including "preferential no-bid or 'sole source' contracts because of the company's classification as a small business," according to McClatchy.

Now for the punch line: "U.S. Rep. Kay Granger, the Fort Worth Republican who sits on the House Appropriations Committee that deals with issues of defense, military and homeland security, said she is surprised that the federal government is doing business with a group accused of mistreating women and children." Yeah, she should be shocked! I mean, our government would never do business with people like Saddam Hussein, the House of Saud, Hosni Mubarak, Osama bin Laden, and others "accused of mistreating women and children"!

Once again Uncle Sam builds up an entity at taxpayers' expense and then turns around and soaks the taxpayers again to undo the damage, yet people continue to express surprise each time a new case like this emerges.

Tracey Thorn: The Paris Match

Another timeless classic from the mind of The Modfather...

Tater-Tots, Toes, And Lunch

I know there are a few out there who will understand...

The Bush/McCain Plan For Iraq

Was this ever in doubt?

John McCain Supports The Military?

John McCain to a VFW group: "Those who have borne the burden of war for our sake must be treated fairly and expeditiously as they seek compensation for disability or illness. We owe them compassion, knowledge, and hands-on care in their transition to civilian life. We owe them training, rehabilitation, and education."..."Whatever our commitments to veterans cost, we will keep them, as you have kept every commitment to us. The honor of a great nation is at stake."


Unfortunately, what John McCain says and what John McCain does are two different things. John McCain:
1)Voted against a $650 million increase in Veterans Medical-Care funding just before 9/11,
2)Voted against increasing VA funding by $1.8 billion in 2004,
3)Voted against increasing VA funding by $1.5 billion in 2006,
4)Voted against increasing VA Out-Patient funding by $430 million in 2006,
5)Voted against the $20 billion VA Medical Facilities Upgrade Bill in 2006,
6)Does not support the new GI Bill

In any election cycle, I can understand the value of political rhetoric. But when your entire campaign is based on your military service like John McCain's is, I think you should actually start supporting the troops. Or stop campaigning on the claim that you have, that you are, and that you will support the troops.

More McCain Fun!

McCain Supporters=Mensa Members

Related By Blood?

George W. Bush: "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."


Joseph Goebbels: "If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress the dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State."

Meet & Greet With G.W.

Who da' thought?

The Family That LOVES Together, Stays Together

A father and daughter confessed on television last night to spending seven years in a sexual relationship and conceiving two children.

Jenny Deaves told how she was reunited with her long-lost father, John, 30 years after he left her mother.

She was 31 when they met again but instead of a normal father-daughter relationship, they fell in love.

As their own marriages failed, they became intimate.

"John and I are in this relationship as consenting adults," Jenny told Australia's 60 Minutes programme last night.

"We are just asking for a little bit of respect and understanding."
They showed their nine-month-old daughter Celeste, who appeared fit and healthy - although their first child died of a congenital disease within days of birth. Jenny, who has two children from a previous relationship, is now 39.

She said that soon after reuniting with John she saw him as a man first and her father second.

"I was looking at him, sort of going, oh, he's not too bad," she said. "Like you might look at a man across the bar at a nightclub."
Mr Deaves 61, who lives with his daughter in the town of Mount Gambier, South Australia, admitted he "initially" thought having sex with her was wrong, but "emotions took over".

"I knew it was illegal, of course I knew, but you know, so what," he said.

Jenny said the physical relationship with her father was like "a sexual relationship with any other man". Mr Deaves said it was "absolutely fantastic".

Last month Jenny and her father were placed on a good behaviour bond for three years by a judge in Mount Gambier after admitting two counts of incest.

A condition of the bond is that the couple do not have sex again. A police spokesman said they "were being monitored".

The father and daughter claimed on air that they have ended the sexual side of their relationship and would find it easy not to sleep together again because of the risk of imprisonment.

"We will continue living as a normal, happy family for years to come," Jenny said.

Government-Approved Toys

This playset is one of the best purchases one can make for a child. If in the past your child bawled uncontrollably when stopped at police roadblocks, during one of Daddy's arrests, or while Mommy is tasered for going 35mph in a 25 mph speed zone, your problem is now solved! Now, after playing with this for several months, your child will be perfectly docile.

As an adjunct to this product, I would also recommend that you purchase the Playmobil Armed Standoff Playset, Fisher-Price Little People Battering Ram, and the Nerf Tear-Gas Canister Deployment Gun.

Bill of Rights sold separately.

Cindy McCain Is A C**T

At least according to her husband John McCain she is. If this is how John McCain treats his loving wife, how will he treat his "constituants? Quote from Cliff Schecter's new book The Real McCain:

In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." McCain's excuse was that it had been a long day. If elected president of the United States, McCain would have many long days.

Nice guy, eh? I mean really--even if is Cindy McCain is a cunt, would you talk to your meal ticket that way?

My Latest Musical Obsession...

Ever listen to a song and have it take you back to a specific moment in time? This is one of mine...

The Donut Pussy

Taken from Margatet Cho's blog:

I had a new procedure called the "G-Shot," which is kind of like plastic surgery, kind of a body modification – but you don’t see it. It is on the inside. It isn’t something I would necessarily normally do, because I am very happy with my vagina the way it is. It is one of the finest in the world, and really needs little embellishment. It has served me well for many years and there are lots of miles left on it.

I got the G-shot as part of my new VH1 show, "The Cho Show," which I am filming right now and it is so fucking awesome you are going to just scream when you see it – I am so excited! Anyway, the G-Shot is an injection of collagen into your G-Spot that is supposed to enhance any kind of stimulation there. It is for women who have limited sensation in their vagina, which is me. My puss is more clitoral than vaginal. I am more into the outside than the inside. I am more about display than content. Whenever I go to a party, I tend to hang out on the steps rather than in the house and I never go into the backyard. And to keep the party analogy going, I don’t even have a G-Spot, per say, one place where the party is all centered, but there are lots of smaller events happening all over the area. Mine isn’t a G-Spot. More like a G-Block Party. My pussy is a lot like Coachella. There are a lot of bands hanging around waiting to play.

So I got it done at a fancy Beverly Hills gyno office and it was somewhat uncomfortable. First the G-Spot must be located. The poor doctor had to poke around in there for a long time, and it reminded me of this one guy who was looking for it many years ago, all thumbs in there going "Where’s your spot? Where’s your spot?" It didn’t feel good and I was like, "uh, I usually park on the street." The doctor came upon an area that felt more sensitive than the other areas (more partying going on there than elsewhere) so she shot up that region with an anesthetic – which was painful!! I needed anesthesia for my anesthesia! It was so prickly and hurting that she had to shoot me up twice with the numbing agent. Then they got the big needle out, which I didn’t feel but looked so scarily long that I thought the end might poke out through my back! OW!!!!

So since then, I haven’t felt any sexual enhancement at all. If anything it makes me not want to do it, which is incredible because I always want to do it – so it doesn’t work as any kind of aphrodisiac, but would be a good punishment for sex offenders. Now my vagina just feels like there is a gel insole in there. Like my cervix is wearing boot socks. I am totally asexual and I feel like I am sitting on a hemorrhoid donut all the time. I really feel kind of bad complaining about the procedure, because the doctor was so nice, and I am all about supporting anything that benefits women and their sexuality. I totally think that the spirit of the thing is cool. Women should feel good in their bodies and if surgery can enhance that, I am all for it. Unfortunately, the G-Shot just wasn’t for me, but it might be for you. There are lots of raves from women about it, and more often than not the results are supposed to be mindblowing, just not for me!


It lasts for four months so I will be at the convent until the swelling goes down.

But Schmoopy, How Would I Identify You If You Were In A Horribly Disfiguring Accident?

John McCain vs. John McCain

Wal-Mart To The Rescue?

Apparently so...

Who did the most to help victims of Hurricane Katrina? According to a new study, it was the company everyone loves to hate

Shortly before Hurricane Katrina made landfall on the U.S. Gulf Coast on the morning of Aug. 29, 2005, the chief executive officer of Wal-Mart, Lee Scott, gathered his subordinates and ordered a memorandum sent to every single regional and store manager in the imperiled area. His words were not especially exalted, but they ought to be mounted and framed on the wall of every chain retailer -- and remembered as American business's answer to the pre-battle oratory of George S. Patton or Henry V.

"A lot of you are going to have to make decisions above your level," was Scott's message to his people. "Make the best decision that you can with the information that's available to you at the time, and above all, do the right thing."

This extraordinary delegation of authority -- essentially promising unlimited support for the decision-making of employees who were earning, in many cases, less than $100,000 a year -- saved countless lives in the ensuing chaos. The results are recounted in a new paper on the disaster written by Steven Horwitz, an Austrian-school economist at St. Lawrence University in New York. While the Federal Emergency Management Agency fumbled about, doing almost as much to prevent essential supplies from reaching Louisiana and Mississippi as it could to facilitate it, Wal-Mart managers performed feats of heroism. In Kenner, La., an employee crashed a forklift through a warehouse door to get water for a nursing home. A Marrero, La., store served as a barracks for cops whose homes had been submerged. In Waveland, Miss., an assistant manager who could not reach her superiors had a bulldozer driven through the store to retrieve disaster necessities for community use, and broke into a locked pharmacy closet to obtain medicine for the local hospital.

Meanwhile, Wal-Mart trucks pre-loaded with emergency supplies at regional depots were among the first on the scene wherever refugees were being gathered by officialdom. Their main challenge, in many cases, was running a gauntlet of FEMA officials who didn't want to let them through. As the president of the brutalized Jefferson Parish put it in a Sept. 4 Meet the Press interview, speaking at the height of nationwide despair over FEMA's confused response: "If [the U.S.] government would have responded like Wal-Mart has responded, we wouldn't be in this crisis."

This benevolent improvisation contradicts everything we have been taught about Wal-Mart by labour unions and the "small-is-beautiful" left. We are told that the company thinks of its store management as a collection of cheap, brainwash-able replacement parts; that its homogenizing culture makes it incapable of serving local communities; that a sparrow cannot fall in Wal-Mart parking lot without orders from Arkansas; that the chain puts profits over people. The actual view of the company, verifiable from its disaster-response procedures, is that you can't make profits without people living in healthy communities. And it's not alone: As Horwitz points out, other big-box companies such as Home Depot and Lowe's set aside the short-term balance sheet when Katrina hit and acted to save homes and lives, handing out millions of dollars' worth of inventory for free.

No one who is familiar with economic thought since the Second World War will be surprised at this. Scholars such as F. A. von Hayek, James Buchanan and Gordon Tullock have taught us that it is really nothing more than a terminological error to label governments "public" and corporations "private" when it is the latter that often have the strongest incentives to respond to social needs. A company that alienates a community will soon be forced to retreat from it, but the government is always there. Companies must, to survive, create economic value one way or another; government employees can increase their budgets and their personal power by destroying or wasting wealth, and most may do little else. Companies have price signals to guide their productive efforts; governments obfuscate those signals.

Aside from the public vs. private issue, Horwitz suggests, decentralized disaster relief is likely to be more timely and appropriate than the centralized kind, which explains why the U.S. Coast Guard performed so much better during the disaster than FEMA. The Coast Guard, like all marine forces, necessarily leaves a great deal of authority in the hands of individual commanders, and like Wal-Mart, it benefited during and after the hurricane from having plenty of personnel who were familiar with the Gulf Coast geography and economy.

There is no substitute for local knowledge -- an ancient lesson of which Katrina merely provided the latest reminder.