A cheeky Bristol Palin writes in her new book, due out next week, that her romance with ex-beau Levi Johnston - he of Playgirl fame - was one of "deception and disappointment."
He "cheated on me about as frequently as he sharpened his hockey skates," Palin penned of the bad boy for whom she first fell in seventh grade.
The "Dancing with the Stars" vet goes on to denigrate her former flame as "the gnat named Levi Johnston," in the teenage tell-all, entitled "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far."
Johnston, for his part, has promised to offer his own version of the affair in a rebuttal book: "Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs."
For now, readers must make do with the comely 20-year-old brunette's account of their sometimes sordid and failed romance.
The tawdry tome includes prurient details of how Johnston deflowered Palin during a camping trip on which she got tanked for the first time.
A pitiful Palin recounts how she awoke, alone, in her tent with no memory of what had transpired, while a joyful Johnston boasted of the conquest on his cell phone to friends.
Palin had previously vowed to wait until marriage, she writes.
In time, Johnston knocked up Palin, who added in the book she was initially so incredulous of positive home pregnancy kits, it took eight tests to convince her she was with child.
The couple eventually had a son named Tripp, born in late 2008.
But soon after, Palin writes she found a text on Johnston's cell phone revealing he once again had strayed.
Johnston later confessed and left the Palin home, persona-non-grata.
The narrative, published by William Morrow, co-written by author Nancy French and obtained on Friday by The Associated Press, also touches on life with the barnstorming ex-Alaska gov.
I smell bullshit on this one. According to Mercede Bristol and Levi were trying to get pregnant. Bristol has admitted that abstinence does not work. And Levi has said Bristol knows that.
In their custody agreement Levi and Bristol are not supposed to trash each other, so this book is living proof that Bristol broke the custody agreement.
And unfortunately thanks to skanky slutty Bristol her son Tripp will not have the pleasure of spending it with his daddy, Levi Keith Johnston. Thanks Bristol you cunt! But then again maybe Levi isn't the real father Bristol?
UPDATE-Levi isn't the only one who gets burned in this fiction novel.
From Gawker
Finally, the political-daughter-turned-memoirist smackdown we've been waiting for: Bristol Palin is taking on Meghan McCain.
While promoting memoir Dirty Sexy Politics, Meghan lamented Bristol's effect on her "self-esteem", slammed Bristol's family, and dissed reality TV. Now Bristol's promoting her memoir, and she's striking back. ABC News reports that America's most successful unsuccessful abstinence advocate thinks Meghan McCain is a high-maintenance, backstabbing brat:
Palin writes that the first time she met the 26-year-old daughter of Sen. John McCain, she "ignored us during the entire visit." This was just before Senator McCain introduced Sarah Palin as his running mate. Palin adds that she "had a sneaking suspicion I might need to watch my back."
"Every time we saw Meghan, she seemed to be constantly checking us out, comparing my family to hers and complaining," she writes. "Oh the complaining."
"I'd never seen people with so much Louis Vuitton luggage, so many cell phones, and so many constant helpers to do hair and makeup," Palin writes.Bristol has kinder words for Cindy McCain, describing her "like a queen" and "like royalty." But she got confused when Cindy offered to be the godmother of her unborn child: "I had just met her and I wondered why she wanted any type of guardianship over my child." Maybe Cindy was trying to rescue a needy infant from a lifetime of squalor? She has a reputation for charity.
Anyway, Meghan has yet to tweet about Bristol. Maybe she's saving her outrage for an opinion column? She can't not respond—flying off the handle at every slight is Meghan's greatest talent. Which, come to think of it, is downright Palinesque.
Geesh Bristol! Cindy was just offering spiritual guidance to you and the baby. God knows you could use some. It's also pretty shitty of you to slam the McCains considering John pulled your mother out of obscurity. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't be on DWTS, writing fiction books, preaching abstinence, and being on reality shows. You would still be in Wasilla working at the local Starbucks as a Barista.
Meghan's response to Bristol is right here Very classy and I don't even like Meghan, even though she is not chickenshit to go on Rachel Maddow's show.
Elizabeth Edwards, Sandra Bullock, and Elin Woods had every reason to trash their hubbies on public but they didn't. Why? Because they have class and care about their kids.
Also Bristol said she and Levi were using condoms but she switched to the pill even though she suspected he was straying. Duh! Didn't she know that the pill does not prevent STD's? That's abstinence only education for ya.
And Bristol goes after her ex-uncle Mike Wooten:
From the Daily Beast
Bristol’s Uncle Mike, a burly state trooper standing six foot four and weighing in at 250 pounds, was the cause of some early drama in her life. First, back in 2003, Bristol witnessed Uncle Mike shoot a Taser gun at her cousin, Payton. As Payton was recovering from the shock, Uncle Mike looked over at Bristol and said, “Bristol, you’re next.” (Pg. 25) Bristol screams, and tells her mother about the incident. Later, it’s revealed that there were a bunch of citizen complaints against Mike, ranging from boozing in his patrol car to people claiming they witnessed him illegally kill an animal on a hunting trip. Later on, Uncle Mike carries out a very public affair with the mother of Bristol’s friend Jenna. The affair results in Bristol’s Aunt Molly divorcing Uncle Mike, Jenna’s mom getting kicked out of the Mormon church, and Bristol losing all her friends, as kids at school chose sides between Bristol’s family and Jenna’s, a la “Team Jolie or Team Aniston.” (Pg. 39) Bristol also thought, “It was the first time—but not the last—that I realized how someone’s sexual sin could rock everyone around him or her.” (Pg. 40) Later, Mike confronts Bristol in the hallway of her high school—where he is an assistant coach—and calls her a “fucking bitch” under his breath. (Pg. 43)
Geoffrey Dunn clears up Troopergate in his book.
She also talks about the alleged threat of gang rape while she was in Juneau.
They began by threatening Bristol and telling her to stay away from their boyfriends, and then, things got serious when some of Bristol’s classmates posted an Internet threat against Willow. “An eight-grade girl told twelve-year-old Willow that her Samoan brothers were going to gang-rape her,” said Bristol. (Pg. 67) Later, a boy posted on MySpace: “Bristol’s a slut when she’s drunk and a slut when she’s sober.” Bristol says these early bullying incidents helped her develop a tough exterior and handle all of the gossip about her family.
BS on that one too. Sarah never reported the threats to police and didn't increase security for Bristol. Why? Cuz you can't report on something that never happened and you would have to justify why you are increasing security for your daughter.
LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!
