John McCain Invented The Blackberry...

...or so one of his aides claims. Courtesy of boston.com:

Move over, Al Gore. You may lay claim to the Internet, but John McCain helped create the BlackBerry.

At least that's the contention of a top McCain policy adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin. Waving his BlackBerry personal digital assistant and citing McCain's work as a senator, he told reporters Tuesday, "You're looking at the miracle that John McCain helped create."

McCain has acknowledged that he doesn't know how to use a computer and can't send e-mail, one of the BlackBerry's prime functions.

Holtz-Eakin's argument is similar to one advanced by Gore, the Democratic presidential nominee in 2000. Gore once boasted about "taking the initiative to create the Internet" through technological and educational policies. He later was mocked for claiming to have invented the Internet, although he never made such a claim.

Holtz-Eakin, former director of the Congressional Budget Office, said McCain's service on and leadership of the Senate Commerce Committee put him at the intersection of a number of economic interests, including the telecommunications industry.

The Arizona senator's handling of regulation and deregulation of that industry in particular left him with the skills to help revive the economy amid a mortgage crisis, an energy crisis and a Wall Street meltdown, the adviser said.

"He can and has the judgment to put people in place with technical expertise, with the history of experience in the areas necessary, that we're going to get reforms," Holtz-Eakin said.

I've Been To Russia A Few Times...Can I Be Secretary Of State?

Trust me, I'll be eminently more qualified that Sarah Palin on anything having to do with foreign affairs.

This is one of the worst talking points I've ever seen. It's from a recent interview with McCain:

Q: Well, you say you're sure that she has the experience, but again, I'm just asking for an example. What experience does she have in the field of national security?
McCain: Energy. She knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America. She's a governor of a state where 20% of America's energy supply comes from there. And we all know that energy is a critical and vital national security issue. We've got to stop sending $700 billion of American money to countries that don't like us very much. She's very well versed on that issue. And, uh, she also happens to represent, be governor of a state that's right next to Russia. She understands Russia.

And nobody questions John McCain's judgement? Good God! Now, let's ignore McCain's ridiculous assertion that Palin knows more about energy than anyone else in the good ol' US of A (I mean, really, WTF?!) and take another look at the last sentence of his statement. Apparently, because Palin is Governor of Alaska, and Alaska is separated from Russia by the Bering Strait, this somehow translates into Palin understanding Russia, and thus having national security experience. Never mind the fact that Palin has never actually been to Russia, and didn't even get her first passport until 2007! I've been unable to ascertain whether Palin took any elective courses in Russian language, history, literature, or politics at any of the four colleges she attended while pursuing a degree in communications. But this does not matter, because McCain has assured us that Palin "understands" Russia, something that very few people, whether scholars or government officials, can claim to do (in fact, it brings to mind a certain quote by Winston Churchill).

But this wasn't the first time that the McCain campaign used this talking point. Cindy McCain had this to say when George Stephanopoulos claimed that Palin had no security experience:

C. MCCAIN: You know, she — the experience that she comes from is with what she’s done in the government.

And, also, remember, Alaska is the closest part of our continent to Russia. So it’s not as if she doesn’t understand what’s at stake here.

I think my brain just exploded.

U.S. Government Supports And Funds Polygamy

Does this surprise anyone? The polygamist sect on which the feds have exerted much physical and verbal effort lately has been the recipient of "a nearly $1 million loan from the federal government and $1.2 million in military contracts" via an associated business, including "preferential no-bid or 'sole source' contracts because of the company's classification as a small business," according to McClatchy.

Now for the punch line: "U.S. Rep. Kay Granger, the Fort Worth Republican who sits on the House Appropriations Committee that deals with issues of defense, military and homeland security, said she is surprised that the federal government is doing business with a group accused of mistreating women and children." Yeah, she should be shocked! I mean, our government would never do business with people like Saddam Hussein, the House of Saud, Hosni Mubarak, Osama bin Laden, and others "accused of mistreating women and children"!

Once again Uncle Sam builds up an entity at taxpayers' expense and then turns around and soaks the taxpayers again to undo the damage, yet people continue to express surprise each time a new case like this emerges.

The Big Show: Lansing Michigan's Newest Comedy Team

Not sure how many of you listen to AM talk radio in the morning, but Lansing has a new morning-drive comedy team. It's called The Big Show and can be heard on WJIM 1240AM from 5:30am to 9am. Listening to The Big Show is akin to watching the O'Reilly Factor--they try their damnest to sound like they know what they're talking about, but they end up sounding like pompous douchebags. Receiving top-billing is an Agent 007 wannabe named Michael Shiels. Mikey has been annoying Lansing residents with his nasal whining and wheezing since he arrived in Lansing mid-summer 2006--ready, willing, and able to dispense his third-rate J.P. McCarthy impression to the listening public. I'm not sure if it is intentional on his part, but at times he can be quite funny. He makes me laugh. Alot. Usually I am just laughing at him though. Shiels recently married a local teeth-whitening specialist that he affectionately refers to as "Dr. Christine: Dentist to the Stars," as if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie fly in from the West Coast to have their bicuspids and molars cleaned. Around the Capital City, Mike is known as Lansing's own version of "Star Jones" because he constantly manages to interject the names of a few of his pet sponsors into daily monologue while trying his best to act cool. A great example of this is a paraphrasing of one of Mike's informative self-disclosures: "After the show I might go to the MAC to work out, then to Dublin Square for lunch, maybe go down to the Capital. Sometimes Dr. Christine takes me to a MSU basketball game, then maybe stop at Dusty's for some wine. I got my bizzy!" What the hell is a bizzy? Some new STD? There may just be a nasty vaccination in Mike's future. And what man refers to his wife as "Doctor?" Mikey cracks me up!

Second banana on The Big Show is Tim Nestor, better known around Lansing as "Fester." Fester is the WJIM sports reporter, but often rambles on about his knowledge of history and sports. A proud Republican, Fester loves talking about his dinner dates with Michigan state Senator Tom George and has boldly predicted that Mittens Romney will be the "next president of the United States." Come on Fes get real--like a guy who stuffs his beautiful Irish Setter in a dog crate, straps it to the roof of the family truckster, then proceeds to drive 12 hours from Boston to Ontario with his vehicle covered in sticky, slimy, bister-hued puppy goo could ever become President. Or maybe I'm confusing Romney with Bush. Or Bush with the puppy goo.

Even the callers get in on the fun occasionally. There is one paranoid, love-starved Aricept-dependent old man that calls himself "Dave from Dimondale." "Dave"--if that's his real name--supplies The Big Show with secret "insider" political analysis of local and national importance. You know when "Dave from Dimondale" calls the show, something BIG is happening, like the time he reported that "Those Dems are demanding clean water, better education, and bridges that won't collapse. And Hillary won't be President since old bigots like me won't vote for her because she wears pantsuits instead of dresses."

So if you're looking for a good chuckle while on your drive to work in the morning, tune in to The Big Show. Howard Stern, you better look out, there's a new King of Comedy hitting the airwaves of your hometown!