Sarah Palin and the fastest growing baby bump in the west!

For all of you who are still clinging to the idea that somehow Palin WAS pregnant, and that the photographic evidence suggesting that she wasn't is not compelling enough, I would like you to explain this.

Image courtesy of my friend Emrysa.

It does not take a doctor, a nurse, or even just a person who has been pregnant, to recognize that a fetus simply does not develop THAT quickly in such short amount of time.

As evident from my post yesterday, Palin appeared to be no more than a few months pregnant (With, apparently, Sponge Bob Squarebaby) on March 26, 2008, and then suddenly on April 13, 2008, ballooned up to the image you see on the right.

I think what is obvious is that Palin was simply winging the fake pregnancy thing at first, and then realized that she needed a more convincing disguise to fool the lazy reporters, and constituents she might bump into further down the line, so she purchased something a little more convincing to wear toward the end of her incredibly short "pregnancy."

Does anybody disagree, or think they have a better theory?

If so, I would love to hear it.

Remember how everybody just assumed that Track Palin married his girlfriend because she was pregnant? As it turns out everybody is pretty damn smart.

So to bring you up to speed on May 19, I wrote a post about Track and long time girlfriend Britta Hanson tying the knot up at Hatcher Pass.

My assumption at the time (and the assumption of every other rational person with at least two brain cells they can rub together), was that based on the history the Palins have with marriage and pregnancies, Britta was undoubtedly "in the family way."  However nobody was absolutely positive such was the case.

About two weeks later I received a tip that Britta was indeed pregnant and that fellow students in her nursing classes were all talking about it, and the family was afraid it would soon come out. Then not much later I received yet ANOTHER tip saying that Britta was definitely with child and was avoiding certain casual friends so that the word would not get around and embarrass the families.

Yet it was still all hearsay and I did not feel it was enough to say definitively that the quickie marriage was due to the impending birth of yet another baby into the Palin family.

That is it WAS all hearsay until I received this picture in my email inbox of Britta opening up gifts at her.....wait for it.....baby shower. (Apparently the shower took place just a couple of days ago at the Palin compound in Wasilla.)

So based on the tips mentioned above, and this photographic evidence, I think we can safely move this story out of the rumor category, and into the "no shit" category.

So what have we learned here today kiddies?

Number One: That there is a 90% probability that any rumor you hear about the Palin clan will turn out to be true. (Even the crazy ones.)

Number Two: That Bristol is the world's WORST abstinence spokesperson since she could not even convince her own brother's girlfriend not to have premarital sex. ("Stop! Stop it right now, Track! Dammit I'm telling Mom!")

Number Three: That the Palins simply DO NOT get married unless there is a fetus and a loaded shotgun involved. Sarah's mother, Sally Heath, was pregnant when SHE got married, so was Sarah, and then Bristol (Who did not even bother to get married.), and now Britta.  Apparently it's a family tradition.

Not that there is anything wrong with that of course. Well that is unless your future mother-in-law is constantly pimping herself out as a family values fundamentalist Christian savior of America, and your husband's sister is a famous abstinence spokesperson. But whose crazy ass family does that descr....oh yeah, almost forgot!

Well anyhow I wish both Track and Britta nothing but good luck with the new addition to their family.

Based on what we know of the rest of the family, you're going to need it.