Here are the Iowa Straw Poll results. Try to act excited.

Courtesy of the LA Times:

1. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (4823, 28.55%) 

2. Congressman Ron Paul (4671, 27.65%) 

3. Governor Tim Pawlenty (2293, 13.57%) 

4. Senator Rick Santorum (1657, 9.81%) 

5. Herman Cain (1456, 8.62%) 

6. Governor Rick Perry (718, 3.62%) write-in 

7. Governor Mitt Romney (567, 3.36%) 

8. Speaker Newt Gingrich (385, 2.28%) 

9. Governor Jon Huntsman (69, 0.41%) 

10. Congressman Thad McCotter (35, 0.21%) 

Well Michele Bachmann won which should come as no surprise to ANYONE. She is the flavor of the moment and she is a fellow Iowan, which gives her an advantage.

And that was BEFORE everybody watched her eat her corndog.

I have to say that I am somewhat surprised that Tim Pawlenty and Rick Santorum (Or as I call them Dweedle dipshit and Dweedle Dumbass), came in third and fourth, right after Ron Paul's second place showing.

I find it amazing that the press gives this stupid poll so much attention when the top five winners don't even have a snowball's chance in hell of getting the nomination.  

What I think might be somewhat newsworthy is that Rick Perry, who was not an official name on the poll and only declared his candidacy this morning, was able to win a sixth place position as a WRITE IN. That should really cause the eventual nominee Mitt Romney some sleepless nights.

All of this media attention these candidates are getting must be driving Palin CRAZY, I wonder what she could possibly do to get them to look in her direction?  

 
Of course, what was I thinking?

Talking Points Memo has a MUST SEE highlight reel of the Republican debate from last night.

Just in case you thought I exaggerated with my earlier post.

By the way I just have to say I that I think Bachmann won the debate when she reminded the panel that SHE introduced the "Lightbulb Freedom of Choice Act."  I mean seriously, which one of THEM has done anything even remotely as important?

(I know a lot of you have asked me to post the bit from the Daily Show about this Ames poll, and I will later, but I really thought that this video was actually funnier and more entertaining. Which is especially humorous because this bunch of nincompoops actually thought they were convincing Americans that they could be President.)

Why Newt Gingrich would make a crappy president

He went after Bill Clinton for his extra marital affair with Monica Lewinsky yet he was banging an aide himself.

He left his first wife while she was in the hospital.

He pushed for ethics reform but was charged with ethics violations himself.

He is the original grifter, making money off his name and "running" for president since he left Congress.

Despite the rhetoric coming from the GOP not ONE current Republican candidate, or potential Republican candiate, has a snowball's chance in hell against President Obama in 2012.

In a side by side match up with each of the potential Republican Presidential candidates for 2012, essentially Obama eats their lunch for them according to Real Clear Politics.

Here is the breakdown.


Against Mitt Romney, who will surely emerge from the primary much more battered, bruised, and politically damaged than he is right now, President Obama polls at 4.3% higher in a potential 2012 election match up.

(By the way, Romney is in fact the GOP's best hope.)

Against Libertarian favorite Ron Paul, President Obama enjoys a 9.8% lead in the polls.

(But believe me the American people do NOT yet know about the racism, crazy conspiracy theories, and batshit crazy ideas.  Once those come to light, Paul's chances shrink to somewhere between "slim," and his buddy "none.")

Against "Let God handle it" Rick Perry, President Obama maintains a very comfortable 11.6% lead.

(The thing about Perry is the farther away from him you are, the better he looks politically.  But up close?)

Tim "TimPaw" Pawlenty is nowhere even close to providing a challenge with Obama leading him at 12.3%.

(You know I was going to write more about Pawlenty, but I kept nodding off.  I understand that when sheep suffer from insomnia they count TimPaw's boring public statements until they fall asleep.)

Michele Bachmann is trailing right behind Mr. Ho-hum with the President enjoying a 12.4% lead over the batshit crazy, "pray away the gay" lady.

"I can't believe my numbers are that high. Maybe batshit is the new black."

Now Jon "The other Mormon" Huntsman is trailing behind Obama by about 14%.

(You might as well get used to seeing the picture above, because if Huntsman looks like he is actually presenting a challenge to any of the other GOP candidates, you will see it showing up in third party TV ads over and over again.)

Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich share the seventh spot, both trailing the President with an embarrassing 14.7%.

(After over thirty years in politics, I can only imagine how thrilled Gingrich is to be tied with the Godfather's Pizza guy!)

Okay well that is just about everybody, and NOBODY (With the possible exception of Mitt Romney) has any real shot against our President in a head to head match up.

Wait! Somebody IS missing. (Oh my God, who could possibly be lower than 14.7% this early in the polling?  They must have ZERO name recognition or something!)

In fact it is lower. MUCH lower.

In a match up with President Obama, everyone's favorite teabagging reality star, trails by a whopping 20%.

That's right Palin-bots, your idol trails the President by 20% and is in absolutely the LAST place on the list of potential GOP Presidential contenders for 2012, when it comes to viability.

You know somebody, the person's name escapes me right now, said that "2012 can't come soon enough."

I could not agree more.

(P.S. I just noticed that Santorum is not even on the list so I am guessing that he polled even lower than Snowdrift Snooki.  Ouch, that has to hurt!)

Sarah is left out of the Iowa Straw Poll...too bad!

From CNN

(CNN)-Former governors Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman announced they wouldn’t compete at the Ames straw poll in Iowa, but the state GOP added them to the ballot anyway, along with former House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

But former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and Texas Gov. Rick Perry – who haven’t yet decided on a presidential bid – were left off.

The Iowa GOP state central committee named nine candidates to the final straw poll ballot announced Saturday.

Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann, businessman Herman Cain, Texas Rep. Ron Paul, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum, and then-unannounced Michigan Rep. Thaddeus McCotter secured a spot on the ballot in June by reserving space at the straw poll. Each paid a minimum of $15,000 to rent space outside the arena where the August 13 straw poll will take place.

The Ames straw poll is an early test of candidate strength in the first-in-the-nation caucus state, with the ability to elevate, solidify, or break a candidate’s rank in the GOP field. It is also considered an indicator of who may win the first significant presidential contest.

Critical members of Gingrich’s Iowa campaign resigned shortly before the bidding process for straw poll lots, hampering an already financially-strapped effort to win big in Iowa. Gingrich did not reserve space with other candidates in June.

Huntsman announced he would not compete in Iowa, choosing to focus instead on the first-in-the-nation primary state of New Hampshire

Romney, who also sought the GOP nomination in 2008, also stated he'd sit out the straw poll in Ames. Though he won the contest in 2007, Romney fell short of winning the Iowa caucus, which went to former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, Romney’s straw poll runner-up.

Palin stated she would announce her intention to run–or stay out of the race–in late August or early September. Perry said Friday that he'll make his decision known in the next three to four weeks.

Americans for Rick Perry, an independent group supporting the Texas governor, told CNN that its efforts to get Perry onto the Ames ballot failed. The group's leader,Bob Schuman, told CNN,"The other candidates sure seem to fear Gov. Perry."

Palin and Perry may have been left off the ballot, but straw poll voters will be able to write in their pick for president.

The addition of Romney, Huntsman, and Gingrich to the straw poll ballot is no special practice. Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson and Arizona Sen. John McCain all chose to skip the contest in 2007, but were added to the ballot.

And though he placed 10th, McCain went on to win the 2008 GOP nomination for president, proving that results of the straw poll may not necessarily predict who ends up on top.

Not gonna be much of a straw poll. Romney and Hunstman are too chicken to participate. And the rest suck. Tickles me to see Perry and Palin left off, even though they haven't declared. Good job Hawkeyes!

Keith Olbermann's "Worst Persons in the World" and Sarah palin, go together like peanut butter and bananas. What? I LIKE peanut butter and bananas!

Even though this subject was already covered by others, myself included, it just does not feel complete until Olbermann weighs in.

Don't you agree?

Leah Burton explains truth behind the Dominionists view of Israel and how that relates to our current GOP candidates.

Courtesy of Politicususa:

So, my fellow moderates, now it is time for us to acquaint ourselves with our very own homegrown version of radical Christian fundamentalists. Do not confuse them with the majority of Christians in America who are mainline Christians. Mainline Christians are those who actually follow the teachings of Christ that promote kindness, compassion and love thy neighbor; don’t judge lest ye be judged; let them know you by your good deeds; and it will be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. THOSE Christians.

Christian Dominionists on the other hand believe that we are in the End Times and that they must proactively make the way for the 2nd coming of Christ. They ignore passages from the Bible written that Jesus said “you will not know the day, the hour…I will come like a thief in the night”. Instead they have a laundry list of duties that they must implement before Christ can return. Some of these include fulfilling the Great Commission (Matthew 28: 16-20 ) which they interpret to mean that they are to go forth and aggressively hound the people of the world into conversion, “harvesting as many souls” as possible. (Their words not mine).

Additionally, they are to prepare Israel for the return of all the Jews from around the globe – hence their pro-Israel rhetoric and schizophrenic “love the country – not the Jew” policies. (We have all witnessed how they apply that, the “love the sinner – not the sin” when they try to mask their homophobia). So, in order to have room for all these Jews who they see making their way to Israel soon, as was pointed out by Sarah Palin, there is no land to spare! Palestine just doesn’t fit into this plan, so negotiating a two-State solution is just out of the question.

It makes no difference that they discriminate horribly against the Jews otherwise, calling them “Jesus-killer”, “anti-Christian”, “the Yiddish are coming!”, and a plethora of hate-filled name-calling all in the name of God. Remember, they love the country – they are just not so fond of the inhabitants

Among the current Republicans running for President almost ALL of them are, either embracing dominionist views, or are full blown dominionists themselves.

These include Rick Perry, Tim Pawlenty, Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain, and Newt Gingrich (Though I really think Newt is faking it.)

Sarah Palin, who has not yet declared and probably never will, is DEFINITELY a dominionist!  In fact that may be the ONLY authentic thing about her.

I would suggest that Mitt Romeny, Jon Huntsman, and Ron Paul do NOT embrace the dominionist beliefs, which is why ultimately it will be VERY difficult for either of them to get the Evangelical support they desperately need in order to have any chance in the general election. (McCain overcame that obstacle by plucking Sarah Palin out of the wilds of Wasilla and unleashing her like a pestilence throughout the rest of America.)

By the way Leah Burton is my go to expert on all things dominionist or fundamentalist in nature.  She is one of the most well respected experts in the country and we have had several long and fascinating discussions on numerous topics in the past.  To learn more about her work, I suggest that you visit her site God's Own Party.

Michele Bachmann is terrified of lesbians. Not really very Presidential, but really are any of the other GOP candidates any better?

From the Daily Beast:

In April 2005, Pamela Arnold wanted to talk to her state senator, Michele Bachmann, who was then running for Congress. A 46-year-old who worked at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design, Arnold lived with her partner, the famed Arctic explorer Ann Bancroft, on a farm in Scandia, Minnesota. Bachmann was then leading the fight against gay marriage in the state. She'd recently been in the news for hiding in the bushes to observe a gay rights rally at the Capitol. So when members of the Scandia gay community decided to attend one of Bachmann's constituent forums, Arnold, wanting to make herself visible to her representative, joined them.

A few dozen people showed up at the town hall for the April 9 event, and Bachmann greeted them warmly. But when, during the question and answer session, the topic turned to gay marriage, Bachmann ended the meeting 20 minutes early and rushed to the bathroom. Hoping to speak to her, Arnold and another middle-aged woman, a former nun, followed her. As Bachmann washed her hands and Arnold looked on, the ex-nun tried to talk to her about theology. Suddenly, after less than a minute, Bachmann let out a shriek. "Help!" she screamed. "Help! I'm being held against my will!"

Arnold, who is just over 5 feet tall, was stunned, and hurried to open the door. Bachmann bolted out and fled, crying, to an SUV outside. Then she called the police, saying, according to the police report, that she was "absolutely terrified and has never been that terrorized before as she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her." The Washington County attorney, however, declined to press charges, writing in a memo, "It seems clear from the statements given by both women that they simply wanted to discuss certain issues further with Ms. Bachmann."

Lots of politicians talk about a sinister homosexual agenda. Bachmann, who has made opposition to gay rights a cornerstone of her career, seems genuinely to believe in one. Her conviction trumps even her once close relationship with her lesbian stepsister. "What an amazing imagination," marvels Arnold. "Her ideology is so powerful that she can construct a reality just on a moment's notice."

Seriously?  Well surely nobody really thinks that a woman who cannot even stand her ground when confronted by a lesbian, and an ex-nun, would be an appropriate choice to run for President?  Do they?

Indeed, no other candidate in the race is so completely a product of the evangelical right as Bachmann; she could easily become the Christian conservative alternative to the comparatively moderate Mormon Mitt Romney. "Michele Bachmann's a complete package," says Ralph Reed, the former Christian Coalition wunderkind who now runs the Faith and Freedom Coalition. "She's got charisma, she's got an authentic faith testimony, she's a proven fighter for conservative values, and she's well known." She's also great at raising money—in the 2010 cycle, she amassed a record-breaking $13.2 million in donations. (Bachmann's office didn't respond to requests for comment.)

I stand corrected.

Well bring her on then.  All the Democrats have to do if she becomes the GOP nominee is send Ellen Degeneres over to talk to her right before any debate, and after she runs screaming into the night, the President will win by forfeit. (Not that he would need to do anything except show up to beat this batshit crazy lady.)

But seriously go ahead and read the entire Daily Beast article, because this lady is several bricks shy of a full load.

Okay so we know that Newt's campaign is DOA, Rick Perry is a religious zealot, Tim Pawlenty is a coward,  Rick Santorum has a Google problem, Herman Cain has a racism problem, and Mitt Romney is apparently made of wood.

So that is ALL that the Republican have to offer?  Really?

I keep hearing some talk about what challenge that Jon Huntsman will present once he gets into the race.  What does he have to offer?

Perhaps we can learn that from his first campaign ad.



WTF?  Somehow I think that President Obama sleeps very soundly at night, don't you?

Rachel Maddow covers the implosion of Newt Gingrich's candidacy.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

So who do we think is the next Republican Presidential candidate to self destruct?

Santorum? Romney? Pawlenty? Bachmann? (You know after she declares of course!)

Debate? I don't need no stinking debates!

Courtesy of The State Column:

Sarah Palin, a former Alaska Gov. and reality TV star, turned down an invitation today to the New Hampshire primary debate on June 13. In her place, seven declared or soon-to-be declared candidates for the Republican presidential nomination will take to the stage for a debate hosted by CNN’s John King. The debate will feature Ron Paul, Michele Bachmann, Tim Pawlenty, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. Although Santorum and Bachmann have not yet declared their candidacy, they are expected to do so soon.

An invitation to the debate was given to Mitch Daniels, Rudy Giuliani, Mike Huckabee, Jon Huntsman, Palin and Donald Trump. However, Huckabee, Daniels, and Trump have already dropped out of the 2012 presidential race and will not be attending the debate. Palin, who is currently on her “One Nation” bus tour, turned down the invitation to the debate. In response to the invitation, Palin said: “That’s quite soon. So, no I don’t think I’m going to be there. Thank you for asking though,” reports WMUR.

"No I don’t think I’m going to be there."  I think that just about sums it up, don't you?

We can all disagree about whether Palin will run, or not run, and how long she will stay in if she decides the former, but what is NOT up for discussion is whether or not she will debate.

She will not!

In fact, she cannot!  The ONLY way she can maintain her quickly dissolving facade of competence is to stay as far away from those actually qualified for the job of President as humanly possible.

Getting on a stage with all of them would be the end of her scam, and she knows it.

John Lithgow performs the Newt Gingrich press release.

Trust me, this is a MUST SEE performance.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
John Lithgow Performs Gingrich Press Release
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

That was SPECTACULAR!

Now that Huckster and The Donald aren't running

The Palinbots are ejaculating over it.  Check out what the Palinbots were saying over Mike Huckabee's decision last week not to run.

@SarahPalinLinks
Sarah Palin News
(via TX4P) So Mike Huckabee is not running... http://bit.ly/jrjWcX @sarahpalinusa
10 hours ago via twitterfeed

@SarahPalinLinks
Sarah Palin News
(via SarahNet) Huck Just Made His First Play for Veep http://bit.ly/mlJwsq @sarahpalinusa
7 hours ago via twitterfeed

@SarahPalinLinks
Sarah Palin News
(via PalinTwibe) O4P CA; Sarah Palin is the New Pink! http://bit.ly/jk7XN3 @sarahpalinusa
5 hours ago via twitterfeed

@SarahPalinLinks
Sarah Palin News
(via PointOfView) Poll:Who Benefits Most From Huckabee Not Running? Palin 53%/Romney15% http://bit.ly/mJZ0hE @sarahpalinusa
3 hours ago via twitterfeed

@TexMex817
Michelle McCormick
I mean that's for the goobers who don't believe she's running. One doesn't hire a FoPo advisor, upgrade website & yell Game On--to sit out
12 hours ago via web

@RightWingBlacko
J.C. Kendall
Huck understood that the GOP nominee is going to get the Palin treatment from the Left. Only one person has survived that: PALIN.
12 hours ago via TweetDeck

@Snerd1ey
Snerd1ey
Draft #AllenWest as VP & RUN! RT @thizdude_thinkz: @SarahPalinUSA Huck's out NOW U GET IN!!!' GET TO IOWA!!! Ur fans R READY !!! #GAMEON
12 hours ago via HootSuite

@chrisjefferson
Chris Jefferson
@SarahPalinUSA All righty, Governor. The Coast is Clear! Now go smack the #BeltwayGOP and set this country right! #Palin #tcot
13 hours ago via web

@THIZDUDE_THINKZ
Herb
@SarahPalinUSA Your Time Is Now!!! You always say Don't Retreat - Reload!!! We have and We are let's RESTORE AMERICA!! You Lead!!! #GAMEON
11 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone

On Monday Donald Trump announced he won't be running.  Haley Barbour and John Thune have indicated they will not be running.  Ron Paul and Herman Cain have already announced they are running, but are longshots.  Tim Pawlenty and Mitt Romney have yet to make announcement, so Sarah begins laying the groundwork in South Carolina.

The only Rethuglican running that has a reasonable chance is Newt Gingrich, but now his campaign is imploding right before his very eyes:

Yep Sarah is running.