"And a little child will lead them."

As a man who digs babies, a political observer, and simply a human being, this comparison speaks volumes to me.

(H/T to O'Toolefan, perhaps the MOST prolific tweeter on the internets.)

The Magic of Winnie the Pooh.

Before I begin this post I just want to mention that I used to be a power lifting and martial arts champion.

In other words I lifted really heavy things and punched people in the heads for trophies, and sometimes cash prizes.

Those are very, very manly things, I am sure you will agree.

Did you get that manly part?

Okay then, on to Winnie the Pooh.

In those emotionally overwhelming  moments when I first held my newborn daughter, I made a decision.

Well the first thing I thought was that somebody needed to take her and hose her off a little because she was covered in goo and it was making me gag a little, but the second thing that I thought was that I was going to make sure my daughter was exposed to the best things that life had to offer, which included reading to her from the classics of literature. (I actually wrote about that in an earlier post.)

So the very first book that I bought for us to read together was this one.

 

As you can no doubt tell from the tears in the cover and the weathered overall look, this book has been read, and reread, many, many times.

However I was in such a hurry to start reading the "classics" to my new born daughter that I literally purchased this book, which is NOT the watered down Disney version by the way, just days after her birth.

Though I was completely convinced that my daughter would have the IQ of a genius, it did occur to me that the current level of her comprehension might make this unsuitable for bedtime reading for at LEAST a few more weeks.

So to prepare her for the first step on her long literary adventure I bought this:

I know, isn't that adorable?

However in the baby instruction book that I bought, (because for some reason she did not come with one), it said that my daughter's eyes may not be able to focus on the mobile very well for the first few months, so I decided to buy one of these for her to sleep on:

And, of course, one of these:

Only the original Pooh bear would suffice for my daughter.

(You don't think I overdid it do you?)

So long story short, my daughter was raised around Winnie the Pooh, and Winnie the Pooh paraphernalia, and yes, she grew up LOVING the Winnie the Pooh stories. (So yes parents OCCASIONALLY the things you want your children to do they will actually do. Remember, I said occasionally!)

So let's fast forward about twenty three years into the future, to two days ago.

There I was surfing the net, looking for adventure movies full of action, and violence (and hopefully some tasteful nudity), to watch this upcoming weekend, when I happened to notice that this movie was also playing at the local theater.

Have you ever smelled a smell, or heard a sound, and suddenly found yourself transported to a different time and place? A distant, happy, nearly forgotten place which seems to envelope you in warm, soothing memories that quickly dissipate just as you find yourself reaching out to touch them?

Suddenly all thoughts of superheroes, giant transforming robots, and immature scatological comedies completely left my mind and all I wanted was to watch this movie.  This animated, G rated, Saturday matinee friendly movie.

Did I mention I used to be a bouncer at a strip club?  Well I was!

But you know I didn't REALLY want to see this move.........alone.

In fact there was only one way I would actually go through with it and humiliate myself by sitting in a sticky theater with a bunch of over caffeinated preschoolers. And let's face it there was NO WAY my too busy to even text her father back, adult daughter was going to want to watch this movie!

Right?

But I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask, so I did.

"So Honey, I happened to see that there was this new, probably completely screwed up, Winnie the Pooh movie out.  And I was wond..."

"Oh yeah, I was going to ask YOU if you wanted to go to that! I think it looks really good!  Do you remember all of that Winnie the Pooh stuff you bought me?  I kept it and still have all of it in storage! (You do?) So can we go tomorrow?"

"Sure.....I mean....if that is what YOU want? I guess I could find the time."

So it looked like we were going after all.

The only potential obstacle to our plan was that the movie started at 10:15 in the morning, which was the only time I could make it due to work commitments, and my daughter is NOT an early riser. (That kids, is what is known as a HUGE understatement!)

So the next day I decided to start waking my impossible to rouse daughter a whole hour before the movie was supposed to start. (Imagine ripping a giant tree trunk out of the ground, only then imagine that when you turn your back it replants itself and makes you start all over, and you will have SOME idea of what it is like to get my daughter out of bed before noon.)

However right when I had a couple of pots and pans to bang together in my hands, and was walking up to her bedroom door, I noticed that she was already in the bathroom getting ready. (Yeah I admit I had an "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" moment there.)

Before I knew it she was ready to go and we were on our way. On our way to see Winnie the Pooh.  The matinee showing.  My twenty four year old daughter and I. Why was I doing this again?

On the way we managed to catch up on all of the things that we are both too busy to discuss while living in the same house and sleeping only TWO DOORS AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! (Did I mention that she  texts me from inside her room when she wants to tell me something, rather than open the damn door and say "Hey Dad, I have something to tell you?" Well I am mentioning it now.)

When we got to the theater I told her she could get anything to eat she wanted, my treat.

So she did.

Thirty five dollars later (When did theaters start serving Filet Mignon?), we were ready to find our seats.

As anticipated the smallish theater was full of sticky little ankle biters that had apparently just broken out of the cotton candy factory, and were so hopped up on sugar I swear I saw their eyeballs vibrating.  But once the movie started they settled down to only intermittent screams of "Stop touching me!" and the occasional maniacal giggle.

The movie was okay, nothing special.  To be honest I liked the old Disney version a little better, but it was relatively entertaining. You know, for a cartoon.

But just as I was about to lean over and whisper my disappointment into my daughter's ear, I heard her laugh.

It swear it sounded different than her usual laugh, yet also...familiar.

So I glanced over.

It was just for a moment.  One bittersweet, precious, magical moment.

But it was enough.

Sarah and Bristol Palin prove we learn what we live.

Are there any among us who doubt that THIS...

has EVERYTHING to do with this?

When we are raised to believe that appearances are everything, and it feeds our insecurities about ourselves, is there ANYTHING that we would not do to feel comfortable in our own skin?

Happy Father's Day!

When I woke up this morning my radio alarm was going off. I usually wake up well before my alarm, but this morning I was greeted by the lovely voice of Stevie Nicks, singing "Landslide" which is perhaps one of my all time favorite songs.

Not a bad way to start the morning in my opinion.

Still I had almost forgotten that today was Father's Day. That is until I walked into my office.

This is what I found covering the floor. Apparently my daughter did NOT forget it was Father's Day.

But what do you get the Dad who has everything.

Really?

Yes folks, my daughter does indeed share my somewhat twisted sense of humor.

Just in case you are not familiar with the Shake Weight, you can learn more about it here.

Now you might have thought that was enough for my jokester of a daughter, but you would be wrong.

So yes, apparently my daughter thought it would be very humorous to combine the phallic nature of the Shake Weight with a video of scantily clad women exercising. (Gee you know that DOES sound like a good combination!)

Ha, ha!  Very funny.

But you know sometimes a Dad might want to receive something that is not a joke and let's him know that he is appre.....oh!

Uh..I got a little something in my eye...so....um...Happy Father's Day everyone. I have to go hug my little girl now.

Willow and Piper Palin are brats, you can thank Sarah and Todd for that.

According to Gryphen from Immoral Minority, Willow was suspended from Colony High School for misbehavior issues.  Grandma Sally Heath rounded up some of her retired teacher friends to home school Willow but Willow was so nasty with them they all quit, and Colony refused to re-admit her, so now you can label her a high school dropout.

Piper is enrolled at Cottonwood Elementary in the Mat-Su School District, but her attendance has been very poor (gee I wonder why) and according to staff there she has quite the Diva attitude. Her attendance has been so bad Cottonwood officials may have to kick her out as well. They have an attendance policy where if you miss too much you will be dropped from their enrollment roster.

Recently during Sarah's vacation/campaign tour Piper shoved a reporter.

Raw Video: Sarah Palin In Philly: MyFoxPHILLY.com

Kids learn their behavior from their parents, and Todd is quite the bully as you can see here and here. .

Sarah did have Piper apologize however:

THIS is what Sarah Palin considers an appropriate apology?

The "apology" starts at the 2:25 mark.

Sarah Palin In Jersey City: MyFoxNY.com

Okay I certainly hope that NOBODY is taking parenting cues from this woman.  Nothing about that demonstrated any sense of wrongdoing on either Piper of her mother's part, and it was clearly just an attempt to shut us up about it. (Hell they did not even bother to find the right journalist to "apologize" to!)

Look I am not going to berate Piper for what happened, she is clearly having one of the worst family vacations EVER!  But her mother is demonstrating a completely selfish attitude and essentially punishing her family for the fact that they were unfortunate enough to be born into her family.

I guess the rest of the kids, and Todd, are too fed up with Klondike Kardashian to allow her to use them as props anymore.  Poor Piper is the only one left without the good sense to pretend to have a stomach ache or to simply refuse to be seen in public with her crazy ass mother.

(H/T to My FoxNew York.)